New Beginning
by Lastwords
Summary: Sakura rebuilds her life in a new country after the loss of her family AU
1. Chapter 1

The gravel was hard beneath her feet as she stood watching the coffins get lowered into the ground. With each breath the box sank further and further down into the rectangular hole. Inhaling harshly Sakura tried to stop the sob escaping. She'd never see them again, never hear their voices; lower and lower into the ground. With each second they got further away from her. Her hand tightened around the one holding hers. This time she wasn't quick enough the sob escaped, breaking the silence of the mourners around her. All their sad downcast eyes turned to watch the now orphaned girl. Their pity made her uncomfortable and their gazes felt hot on her skin, she looked away rubbing her wrist across her eyes. The skin was tight and dry from tears; she stared at the flowers being thrown in on top of her parents. Cold, motionless corpses of her now dead parents; parents she'd never see again. A cold gush of wind rushed past her making her shiver; the soil was now being thrown onto of the coffins. Sakura broke free of the grip and turned away she couldn't watch this. She couldn't watch them being forgotten beneath the earth.

"Sakura" a strained voice called after her but she barely heard it. Everything else seemed so loud she could hear the wind howling in her head blocking out everyone else. She placed her hand over her mouth as another sob broke free. They were gone forever now she'd never hear their voices again. She was now all alone.

"**Life has changed not ended" **

The epitaph burned in her memory mocking her as she heard the priest telling the others to let her go, that she needed to be alone. How would he know what she needed? He didn't know her at all. The will had been so specific the house was to be sold and Sakura was to go live in Japan, where her house keeper was from. Amaya had been with them since Sakura was born. She was a third parent really more so than a housekeeper, she'd mind Sakura until her parents came home. She had taught Sakura Japanese as she was growing up so there would be no language barrier. But the will wasn't meant to be needed; it was _just in case,_ none of it was meant to come true. Sakura raked her fingers through her hair pulling some strands painfully with her. She trusted Amaya but she didn't want to leave New York; she'd be leaving behind her friends, school, her life. Not only would she never see her parents again but she'd never see their grave. She'd never walk through the house they lived in. She'd forget the smell of her mother and the taste of strawberry waffles. She'd forget the smudge of blue paint by the kettle in the kitchen. Slowly those clear images would fade and her parents would be decaying bodies lying in the crowd in New York as she wandered through Japan.

She wasn't even being given time to mourn. The flight was today, the day of the burial she'd be leaving them all alone in this God forsaken graveyard. She heard Amaya approaching before she saw her. The sound of shoes on gravel was a very distinctive sound, looking up Sakura met her cool brown eyes. Amaya was tall and slender and she always smelled like jasmine and green tea. Sakura looked away she was being selfish, her parents had meant just as much to Amaya as they had to Sakura herself. The hand that touched her head was warm and tough with wear.

"Everyone is gone, do you want to go back alone for a few moments?" Amaya's accent was subtle in her English pronunciation and for some reason right now it seemed comforting. Sakura nodded walking slowly back to the grave with Amaya beside her. The sound of their breathing breaking the silence, puffs of the warm air they exhaled was visible in front of them.

Sakura knelt in front of the head stone her fingers curling on the freshly laid down grass. Beneath this lay her mother and father, eyes shut skin cold. She chocked as the sob rippled through her. Her arms wrapped around the head stone as she hung her head low and cried her hair stuck to the tear streaks on her face. Each breath was shaking and uncontrolled; the stone was cold and hard in her arms. The names of her parents etched beautifully onto it. Sakura shook her head and ran her fingers over their names each letter so important to her. This was it, this was goodbye, forever. Her hand hung in the air between the stone and her body.

"Goodbye" she whispered her voice strained and raw with pain. She stood up not bothering to brush the grass off her now numb knees, it was a cold November. Amaya took her hand and lead her along the path away from the headstone, away from her parents, away from New York and onto her new life.

Sometime in between leaving the graveyard and the car journey to the airport Sakura fell asleep. The blackness was inviting and safe, it protected her from all the pain that waking held. She could float around in nothingness numb to her own trauma.

Sakura gasped as she was shaken awake. "We're here" Amaya said her eyes full of pain and worry. Sakura glanced around and saw people pushing trolleys with luggage and others hailing cabs. Sakura closed her eyes briefly and stood up her legs weak beneath her. This was it the beginning of the end. She was about to leave everything she knew behind her. She felt a cold droplet of rain hit her head.

"Let's get inside before it starts raining" Amaya said as she glanced up at the sky. Sakura looked up too, _too late_ she thought as she followed Amaya inside. The furniture had been shipped over a few days ago or so Sakura was told. They'd only taken what they would need. Sakura insisted on packing some of her parent's clothes and no one had to heart to stop her.

The airport was crowded with people rushing from place to place, holding steaming coffee cups and plane tickets. Amaya lead Sakura through the blur of checking in and getting to the departure gate. It was only when she was sitting down with a warm cup of tea in her hands she realised she'd been blanking out for hours, minutes? She couldn't tell.

The silence between Amaya and Sakura wasn't uncomfortable and both understood talking wouldn't change anything. Sakura wrapped her fingers around the hot cardboard of her cut letting the heat sink into her cold fingers. Amaya sat perfectly still watching Sakura from the corner of eye. The girl was staring blankly out the huge window at the grey sky as planes came and went. Her eyes were vacant and lost elsewhere, it was worrying how Sakura curled in on herself and lost her connection with reality so easily now. It was like she was a balloon and now that nothing was tying her down she'd just float off on her own accord.

Sakura knew Amaya was worried but she couldn't bring herself to do anything about it, it would take to much effort to pretend to be okay and Sakura no longer had energy. Staring out at the sky she watched as the raindrops fell hard and heavy causing a peaceful sound to echo throughout the building. It only seemed fair that it was raining, at least the sky was mourning with her.

_Flight J639 852 please prepare for boarding_

The announcement broke Sakura's trance, she watched as the people around her gathered up their bags and formed a queue, grabbing her coat Sakura followed Amaya into the line. When they reached the top of the line Sakura handed her passport barely looking at the man who handed it back to her and waved her on. Everyone else around her seemed so far away. Sakura followed Amaya onto the plane and sat down in the cool air conditioned cabin, putting on her coat and lying back against the head rest Sakura closed her tired eyes. It was going to be a long flight and sleep was the only safe place she had left, without another thought Sakura succumbed to the intoxicating pleasure that was sleep.

It was dark outside as Sakura followed Amaya to the taxi, her brain was sluggish from sleep and she felt like she'd taken too many painkillers. It was raining lightly, Sakura barely noticed, staring up at the airports bright lights contrasting with the black sky. She watched Amaya place a bag into the trunk of the cab and ask the driver something. This was Amaya's home and what Sakura was feeling right now Amaya must've felt when she was in America. Sakura looked down and walked over to the cab her head spinning as she listened to the familiar sounds of Japanese.

It was weird switching her brain off English and onto Japanese, it felt like as soon as she stepped on that plane she had shrugged off her identity and left it behind. Now she was an orphan, a foreigner in a strange place where no one knew her. She'd been handed a blank canvas all over again.

Sakura climbed into the cab and touched her fingers to the cool glass of the window, her mind jumping to that grey graveyard in New York. Curling her fingers she shook her head, she wasn't going to cry. The cab started to move and left the bright lights of the airport behind them. Sakura stared out at the skyline of bright lights and unfamiliar buildings, it was beautiful she'd give it that but it wasn't home. Yet, in the dark it mimicked New York with the tall skyscrapers and busy roads all light up in the blackness. Sakura leaned her head against the window fogging up the glass with her breath, would this place become home? Would she grow to know these roads and buildings? Would everything she used to draw comfort from become nothing but a photograph in her memory? Sakura closed her eyes for what seemed to be a few moments.

Sakura jerked away with the stopping of the cab, had she fallen asleep? How long had it been? Looking out the window knowing she wouldn't recognise anything anyways. She swallowed the thick feeling in her throat and glanced at the clock in the front of the cab the numbers swayed before her until she focused. 2:30 AM Sakura sighed it'd been over 13 hours of a plane ride and they'd left at 12. If she guessed right she'd only been asleep for 20 minutes or so, jetlag hadn't really taken affect yet. Sakura sat back again watching the lights blurring into each other as they drove by.

It wasn't as cold as Sakura thought it would be but it wasn't warm. The house before her was small, dark and she presumed empty. This was going to be her new home, she pulled her mother's scarf closer to her nose inhaling the smell of coffee and her perfume. Amaya was already unlocking the door not wanting to stall around in the cold. Sakura walked down the small driveway leading to the house. By the time she reached the front door Amaya had turned on some of the lights, the house was empty except for the brown boxes lining the hallway. Sakura ran her hand over the USA sticker.

"We'll unpack tomorrow, not all of the stuff has arrived they told me it'll all be here in a day or two." Sakura walked into the kitchen and saw Amaya leaning on a countertop.

"Okay," Sakura said her voice dry she hadn't spoken all day.

"Sakura I-" Amaya didn't finish, she didn't have to they both knew there was nothing she could say that would make any of this any better.

"Why don't you go to bed? We'll unpack tomorrow." Amaya's eyes were searching and full of worry yet again. Sakura nodded eager to leave the empty kitchen. Her feet lead her up the stairs and into the first bedroom she found. A mattress was lying on the floor with pillows and blankets, the bed frames obviously hadn't arrived yet. _Someone else has been here _was the first thought that entered her head and as she pulled off her black coat the second was _I've no pyjamas_. There folded neatly on the corner of the pillow were flannelette pyjamas, they looked warm and inviting. "Huh" Sakura exclaimed and gabbed them as she undressed and changed, glancing briefly down at her knees she noticed green smudges from the graveyard. Her chest tightened and she swallowed, even if the distance increases the pain doesn't.

Crawling into the mattress she forced her eyes shut but that didn't stop the tears from coming. They slid down her raw cheeks, pale and blotchy from days of crying. Would this pain ever go away? She turned over and curled herself into a ball holding her mother's scarf close to her chest. The scent only making her pain worse, she'd never be able to go to her mother with a problem. She'd never get to see her father roll up the sleeves of his blue shirt as he decided to take a plan of action. No more getting up on Sunday mornings and doing the crossword with him as her mother made waffles. She'd never hear their voices, hold their hands, kiss them. They were in New York 6 feet under alone. The pain washed over Sakura in waves keep her awake trying to take her mind off it she raked her nails over her cheek. The pain was excruciating but it worked the throbbing of her face silenced her mind. Without meaning to Sakura fell asleep.

Amaya stood at the other side of the door listening as Sakura's breathing finally slowed and deepened, she'd finally fallen asleep. With each little gasp as she swallowed her sobs Amaya's heart had broken even further. Sakura was in pieces, shattered wandering around lost in her own body. Amaya leaned her head against the door frame if she could take away the girls pain she would but she couldn't, all she could do was watch.


	2. 2 Grief

The stinging woke Sakura as she turned over in her bed. Her face felt hot and stiff as her cheek rubbed against the fabric of the pillowcase. Lying on her back she reached her hand tenderly up to her face, she felt long deep gashes from last night. Sitting up slowly Sakura looked around the empty room, she could hear movement downstairs and the sound of voices; wafting up the stairs was the smell of warm thick coffee. Her stomach grumbled reminding her she hadn't eaten in a few days, ignoring it she went to the bathroom in her room to brush her teeth. Sakura made a point of not looking at her reflection while in there but out of curiosity she glanced up quickly. She gasped, three long red lines stretched down from her temple to her jaw, they had scabbed over but they looked awful. Twisting her cheek to examine them closely Sakura sighed, this was the price she paid for peace. Washing her hands in the basin she noticed the rusty colour beneath her nails, she just couldn't win. Applying a towel wet with warm water to her cheek she tried to calm the redness.

The smell of food from downstairs was floating through her room and causing further rumbling in her stomach. Opening the curtains she looked out at the grey sky, on the verge of raining. She smiled sadly to herself, the rain had followed her. The glass was cool beneath her fingers and the world outside was dull and dark. This wasn't home and at the moment she couldn't feel further away from where she wanted to be. Deciding she'd had to face Amaya sooner or later she made her way downstairs.

The front door was open and freezing cold air was blowing in from outside, it bit at Sakura's bare arms causing her skin to bump up with the cold. She glanced out to see a moving van and some men carrying boxes from the van to her house, this was her furniture and somewhere in one of those boxes was all she had left of her parents. Making her way slowly towards the kitchen she heard several voices. Sakura stopped just outside the doorway. Was she ready to face strangers? The answer was no but she walked in anyways. As soon as she stepped inside the room the conversation died and silence met her, she watched Amaya's eyes scan over her and widen at her cheek, but Sakura was more concerned about the two sets of unfamiliar eyes staring her down. An older lady and a man who was probably a bit younger than Amaya, their eyes were brown like Amaya's but the woman's were much darker and Sakura felt uncomfortable when she looked into them.

"This is my mother and brother. This is Sakura." Amaya's voice was soft and she made her way towards Sakura. The arm that wrapped around her shoulders was warm and strong, Sakura leaned into the embrace. The sound of Amaya's Japanese still sounded odd.

They both nodded and offered their condolences for her loss, Sakura shuffled uncomfortably at that, as if she needed further reminding that she was now all alone. Amaya handed Sakura a plate with some toast on it and encouraged her to eat. Despite the grumbling from earlier, Sakura's appetite was gone. She couldn't bring herself to stomach anything since the accident; if she tried she'd gag and heave until the contents of her stomach had been emptied. Sakura felt the cool gaze of the old woman in front of her as she left her food untouched, glancing up she met her gaze. The woman made no effort to look away when caught staring. Sakura pushed the plate away from herself.

"I'm really not hungry." Her voice sounded odd with lack of use. Amaya glanced over at the untouched food and a look of worry crossed her face.

"I know but Sakura it's been _days_" Amaya sounded desperate but Sakura couldn't bring herself to comfort her.

"I know how long it's been, believe it or not." Her voice was cold and clipped.

"That's not what I meant" Amaya was trying not to upset her, but her worry was evident.

"I just can't eat Amaya." Sakura sounded scared, young and scared. She collasped her head into her hands and began to sob.

Amaya walked behind her and rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry Sakura I really am." The pain didn't lessen she chocked out sobs until her throat hurt too much to continue. The streams of tears running down her cheek stung the gashes on her face. Sakura winced and gently wiped her had over them but only caused further irritation.

xxx

The rain was heavy on the roof only amplifying the silence in the house; Sakura's room was bare except for the unopened boxes full of her old things. She had no desire to mix this blank canvas with the memories inside those boxes but it had to be done. She knew Amaya's family was still downstairs and that by being upstairs, essentially hiding away from them, she was making a bad first impression. The rain continually interrupted her thoughts. It sounded like millions of little feet dancing above her; somehow with nature she wasn't alone.

xxx

The room looked different now with a mixture of old and new furniture scattered about the place, it had taken almost all of Sakura's strength to dress her bed and put up her old curtains. The room was completely white from floor to ceiling save for the curtains and bedspread. It was a weird coincidence that all of Sakura's new and old furniture was white, the curtains and duvet were almost difficult to look at in such a stark space. The green of the curtains was overpowering against the white walls, and the red of the duvet looked like spilled blood against the bed frame. Sakura sighed and dragged a hand through her damp hair; her shower a few minutes ago had done little to soothe her nerves. Laid out on the duvet were official documents regarding Sakura's transfer to her new high school. Something she definitely wasn't ready to do, but yet there they were a silent reminder that she _had_ to move on. Nobody could prepare you for grief, it was a horrific emotion one that started in your bones, in your very being and spread to every inch of your life. A single song, the smell of a perfume anything was a trigger and you'd collapse; you'd cry out as waves of grief ripped you apart. People say time heals all wounds but they were wrong, time silences the memory, making sharp details unfocused and fuzzy, pain becomes faded not because it gets easier but because you forget _how_ it felt. Soon all of this would become a distant memory one filled with trauma but the pain would subside and that was what scared Sakura the most. Eventually she'd have to think to remember her mother's face, she'd forget where the freckles were on her nose, and she'd forget about the scar above her father's lip. Life would take those memories from her in return for her own peace, in order to move on she had to let go; something she wasn't ready to do.

She would have to go to school tomorrow; she knew Amaya just wanted to get her back into a routine to lessen the blow of death but that didn't stop the anger she felt. It didn't change the fact that she didn't want to go. Luckily she didn't have a uniform which seemed to be some sort of exception here in Japan, uniforms were more common here than back home. Beside the papers lay Sakura's new cell phone (her old one wouldn't work here), empty and waiting to be used. She had no friends here, no one to call or text no one to hang out with it was just her and her grief. She decided to keep busy and began unpacking; box by box the room eventually started to look familiar. The shelves were lined with books from two different languages, the closet full of familiar clothes and smells. Stacked beside her bed were her paints and sketchpads, she couldn't look at them. Her mother had taught her how to draw; they had spent so many afternoons together in silence painting or sketching. Everything she knew, every colour, every brush reminded her of her mother. Sinking to the floor in front of an empty box she cried, she cried in desperation and loneliness. When you think of the word "_orphan_" you think Oliver Twist, you think of someone born alone and abandoned. You don't think of the seventeen year olds who one day have a full family and then disaster strikes, you forget to remember that what's given to you can just as easily be taken away. Sakura shook her head and sobbed into her hands, there was _nothing_ she could do. She would never get them back, ever.

Opening the last sealed box Sakura's hands shook, this was all she had left of them, boxed, packaged and sealed all in this tiny space. Reaching for the photo frame which lay at the top of the box she placed it carefully on her bedside locker, facing toward the bed. Three smiling faces looked back at her, unknowing and blissfully happy. Life was cruel; she had learned that the hard way. Next was her mother's favourite sweater, folded and never to be worn again. Sakura placed it carefully in her closet, letting it sit beside her mother's red scarf. Her fingers reached for the thin fabric of her father's favourite dress shirt and shook when she inhaled his clean fresh smell. Hanging it up in the back of the closet she wiped her hand across her eyes, wiping the tears away. Grabbing her mother's bottle of perfume she placed it on her dressing table beside all her make up and cosmetics. At the bottom of the box lay a shiny black box about the size of a small dinner plate; Sakura picked it up slowly holding it gently before placing it on the floor before her. Inside lay a weird mixture of belongings, from her father's watch to her mother's locket. There were faded photographs of her as a baby and of them as a family and a few letters from her father to her mother or vice versa. Sakura chocked on her own sob and placed a hand over her mouth, this was it, this was all she had left. She lifted the letters to see a simple gold band sitting alone under all the paper. Her mother's wedding band.

"_There's something else" the officer said to Amaya. I curled into a ball against the kitchen wall crying to myself. I could hear Amaya's muffled sobs as she tried to talk to the police officer who had just told us of my parent's car accident. I no longer cared for what he had to say, there was nothing left to say at this point; we all knew they were gone. Nothing that man said would change that. "She gave this to the fire fighter who cut them out of the wreck," I chocked at the image and couldn't control my own breathing due to my sobs. I was taking in less air and yet these massive sobs were still spilling out of me, my head felt light and my back burned. My vision darkened around the edges from lack of oxygen and shock, I felt terribly cold. The last thing I heard as I crumpled to the floor in a heap was "she said to give it to the girl." She had been alive when they found her and they couldn't save her, she'd been thinking of _**_me._**

She gingerly picked up the band and held it in her palm, it was cold and smooth against her skin. Wiping her eyes with the back of her wrist she placed it at the bottom of the box and piled everything else on top of it before closing the lid again. Putting the box safely away in a drawer she exhaled a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. This was going to be a whole lot harder than she had planned. _Breathe just breathe_ she chanted to herself silently, she could do this they both believed she'd be okay and she had to at least try for their sakes.

xxx

Sakura sat awkwardly at the breakfast table opposite Amaya, she had spent most of yesterday in her room avoiding Amaya and her family Sakura knew it was rude but she had done it anyway. Amaya was decent enough not to bring it up, Sakura took a small bite out of the granola bar this was the first thing she'd eaten in days and as soon as she swallowed she realised how weak she actually felt. The smile on Amaya's face as she ate clued Sakura in on how worried about her she'd actually been. She sighed and placed the wrapper of the bar on the plate before looking up at her.

"I'm sorry for making a bad impression with your," Sakura paused hating the word "family." She smiled softly at Sakura and reached for her hand, Amaya's thumb caressing her skin.

"You did just fine." Her voice sounded like home and Sakura smiled back at her. She was going to stick to her promise from the day before; she would try for her parent's sake. She would try to be strong and plod along in life, even if that meant she had to do it without them. She was nervous about the day ahead, changing school was _never_ pleasant but under these circumstances it was especially difficult. She breathed out and poured herself another cup of tea, this was nothing she hadn't done before and she wasn't trying to impress anyone. It was funny how when life threw you a curved ball everything was put into perspective; the food chain of high school no longer mattered to her. She no longer cared about what people thought of her, she no longer cared where she ranked her life had become so much bigger than all that. If she ended up sitting alone for the last two years in high school then so be it, who were these people to judge her?

Sakura grabbed her bag and stood up knowing Amaya was eager to drop her off, she didn't want her to be late. Her tank top clung to her skin bumping slightly at the navel hinting at her belly ring, she threw a sweater on top of it. It was cold here in the winter and she wasn't taking any chances with the weather. The drive was short to the school and it felt weird to be doing something as normal as going to school when such a crisis had occurred but she guessed this was the damage control stage of her life. She had move swiftly on from denial and into this odd calm that held her in its grasp, life moved on whether she wanted it to or not.

The school was _huge_ like New York skyscraper huge and it looked like something out of a science fiction movie. All shiny dark glass and steel, it looked like an alien head quarters rather than a high school but judging by the teenagers walking into the doors she figured they were in the right place. This looked nothing like her old high school, with its basketball courts and football fields; where was the student car park? And the school flag? The building looked clean and neat like someone actually took care of it, where as Jefferson High could've done with a few licks of paint. Sakura unbuckled her seat belt and smiled bravely at Amaya "thanks for the ride." Amaya nodded and took Sakura's hand gently in both of hers "do you want me to go in with you?" Sakura shook her head; she needed to do this on her own, as if being a new girl wouldn't draw enough attention to her. She didn't want to look like a baby who needed to be taken care of, she would brave this one out.

The air outside was sharp and bitter with the cold, it smacked her face and made her cheeks burn. Sakura pulled her scarf closer around herself, covering her nose and cheeks as she made her way to the front doors. The school was just as sleek looking on the inside. Rows of neat lockers lined the hallways and she noted how students were _taking off their shoes_, Sakura raised an eyebrow but made her way to the main office. If she needed to take off her shoes she would do it after she got her timetable.

People looked at her oddly as she marched down the hallways in her black boots; she rolled her eyes, not much changes no matter what country you go to school in. The office here reminded Sakura of a lobby in a hotel, it had two desks both manned by four separate women. She smiled as I approached one of these women, "I'm a transfer" she supplied coolly, not interested in making small talk. The women nodded and began typing something in the computer. "Haruno Sakura?" Sakura smiled tightly at the reversed names "yeah". She began typing again as something beside the lady started printing off pages. "Your timetable," she handed Sakura a sheet with block like divisions on it Sakura glanced at her first period, math, the day got better and better. The lady handed Sakura a key and another piece of paper. "Your shoe locker key, you'll find a set of suitable shoes located in your locker." Sakura nodded not questioning this; if this was their culture they had every right to do things differently. "You will find a slot in your homeroom classroom for your extra books." Sakura nodded and smiled again before the lady dismissed her, Sakura decided she'd just put her extra books in her shoe locker and save herself some time and effort.

It weird-ed her out how they knew what shoe size she'd be but other than that the shoes were comfortable, if not a little odd. They didn't really go well with her outfit but what could she do about that? She glanced up at the ceiling sending out silent prayers to her parents asking for strength. The school's system worked well,each floor was assigned a letter and then each room was numbered accordingly, it made finding all the classrooms pretty simple. Clusters of people would stare at her as she passed them by in the hallways; she just shook her head trying to not let it get to her. It was funny though, how before she would have been paranoid about people looking at her but after a loss as great as hers very little mattered, very little could hurt her now.

She looked up when she heard shouting and laughing, a group of people (who she couldn't see) seemed to be laughing and clapping each other on the back. Sakura rolled her eyes and opened the door labelled "_D5_" this was where she'd be spending the next hour doing math. She was impressed with herself for figuring out the classroom system as quickly as she had, she'd take the little wins. The room was half full of sleepy eyed teenagers who looked up at her when the door shut but then went back to staring into space. Sheets and books were scattered across their desks, but they were busy with phones and iPods. Sakura sat down at a vacant desk and took out her own iPod, she knew she should attempt to get to know these people but she was sick of people at this point; she'd gotten used to it being just her and she had started to like her own company. Back before any of this if she saw some girl in her old math class sitting alone she'd deem them a loner and laugh at their expense. She had changed a lot. Once she'd gotten the news she had turned off her phone and computer, she didn't want to talk to anyone and she still hadn't. Sakura had excluded herself and she'd gotten comfortable like that, she didn't want to expose herself again. She didn't want to talk about her past with these strangers who would just look at her with eyes full of half-assed pity.

xxx

Math was the same no matter where you went, _awful_. Sakura had spent about 45 minutes of her hour of math daydreaming. The other fifteen minutes was spent with her frantically trying to grasp what they were doing, which was a wasted effort; some things never change a different continent and she was still failing math. She sighed when the bell finally rung and gathered her things this was going to be a very long day. Her next block told Sakura she needed to go up a floor to, her throat tightened, _art_. A cold sweat broke out on her neck and forehead, she couldn't do art. Not now, she wasn't ready. she hadn't picked up a pencil since that night, she couldn't draw now not with her mother gone. That was too much to ask of her on her first day, she was being brave she was _trying_. Sakura looked up at the ceiling with wet eyes, _not now, I'm not ready she_ pleaded silently. She stood still in the crowded hallway as people passed her by, sometimes brushing shoulders with her. Her fingers clutching her timetable like it was a lifeline, she couldn't just stand here for an hour she'd get caught and then without a second thought she decided to skip class. Her very first day and she was already breaking rules, she would've laughed under any other circumstances. It was difficult sneaking around a school she wasn't used to but once Sakura was outside she was fine. She snuck around the back of the building, her breath coming out in misty puffs before her.

"No it's not like that at all actually." Sakura looked over to see she wasn't alone; sitting against the wall of the school was a skinny blonde talking on a cell phone. She wasn't the only one skipping class then. The girl laughed into the mouth piece, her voice low, obviously cautious about being caught. "Yeah well what can you do? Anyways it's fucking freezing out here, hurry up!" her eyes looked up to see Sakura watching her "hold on one sec," she covered the mouth piece with her hand. "What you looking at sunshine?" her voice was cold and very unfriendly, Sakura took an automatic step back "nothing." She muttered and walked off; it turned out the school's car park was behind the school rather than in front of it. It amazed her that only several days ago she behaved like that blonde, clueless to everyone else's pain.

She had to keep moving, it was too cold to stay still; as she walked around the car park she let herself relax for the first time since she arrived that morning. Her breath was shaky from both the cold and what she'd just done; she was ditching class on her very first day here. Her mom would be so disappointed in her, Sakura's stomach twisted at the thought. A hot tear rolled down her cheek stinging the raw skin; she had never felt as alone as I did right now. She felt stupid wandering around the car park like a fool, but she couldn't bring herself to go to that classroom and paint. Her mother's memory would be laced in every stroke; in every colour she wasn't ready for that kind of pain just yet.

She found a tree which had been planted in a raised flower bed and decided to sit on the edge. The cold hit her immediately, biting into the backs of her thighs where they lay pressed against the concrete, her fingers were already numb but she ignored the pain. Putting in her earphones she closed her eyes and sat in the dark, the songs all seemed to be written about her. Which each lyric more tears fell until her whole face was drenched and splotchy. The cold had made the scratch marks on her face tight and sore, the tears weren't helping but she couldn't stop them. She sat there alone for the whole period of art crying silently to herself. She wasn't recovering she was only lying to everyone around her.

xxx

By the time she got back inside the hallways were full of students making their way to their next class. She had done her best to sooth her red cheeks in one of the bathrooms, but they still looked a bit raw. Sitting outside in the freezing cold wasn't good for the skin apparently. Sighing she looked down at the crumpled sheet in her hands C12 history, something she was good at. The room was full by the time she arrived, and the teacher was getting ready at the top of the room, she didn't even bother to look at him. There was a single desk still available at the very back of the room; Sakura made her way to it trying to not draw too much attention to herself but it was fruitless everyone was watching her this time. She could feel their stares but she kept her gaze trained down on the surface of her desk, engravings of couples long forgotten marked the surface.

"So last Friday we had been talking about World war two" the teacher began his voice bored and distant. He looked young except for the greying hair; a nasty scar marked his left eye; then she realised he was watching me. Sakura looked away pretty quickly feeling embarrassed she had been staring at him he must've thought she was some kind of weirdo. She looked back up to see him continuing the lesson but he was still watching her, this time his lips were formed into a small smirk. She decided she'd just listen in this class, he was hard to listen to though because he sounded as uninterested as they all felt.

"SO, basically all of them were stupid to trust him and should've known better." The teacher winced slightly at the loud voice, "it's a bit more complicated than that Naruto-" he started but was interrupted again by this Naruto. "Yeah but that is basically the bones of it, right Kakashi?" The teacher, Kakashi she assumed, ran a hand over his face looking exhausted and just nodded. "Psh, this is easy! I don't know why anyone finds this stuff hard." Kakashi rolled his eyes "if you really think so Naruto I'd love to read a 5 page essay." Naruto groaned and Sakura rolled her eyes, the class idiot had been found. She found Kakashi to be watching her again and she raised an eyebrow at him, a gesture which he returned before carrying on with the lesson. She felt weird, what was _she _doing and more importantly what was _he_ doing?

This Naruto guy seemed to make a thing out of speaking out of turn and seemed to get enraged very quickly. Sakura found that each time he opened his mouth the more she disliked him, he sat beside a weird looking kid who looked like he liked Naruto about as much as Sakura did. Naruto addressed him as Sasuke but this guy didn't talk much and when he did he didn't say anything pleasant. The two were an unusual pair, a hyperactive blonde and a reserved emo. She found the thought amusing and smiled to herself, the emo appeared to be a lot smarter than his friend and every time he opened his mouth I could hear the girls sighing. Sakura recognised the blonde girl from earlier who had skipped class; she was outright staring at the guy, he didn't even notice. Her hair flips and batting eyelashes didn't grab any of his attention, she seemed the realise this too and stopped, looking royally pissed off.

And then there was the girl who was socialising about as much as Sakura was i.e, not at all; she would glance up at Naruto cautiously before looking quickly away. This was pathetic, like preschool pathetic; Sakura rolled her eyes feeling more normal than she had in days. For all his talking Naruto was just as oblivious to this girl's stares as his friend was to the blonde girl's. Where Sakura came from this just didn't happen, you made a move Sakura would bet some serious money that most of the girls in this room were virgins. She laughed softly to herself at the thought drawing some unwanted attention but she shrugged it off. How long had it been since she last laughed?

The bell rang and Naruto practically jumped out of his seat, nearly taking the desk and his friend with him, but he didn't leave the classroom. Sakura stood up slowly grabbing her things and glancing at her timetable "_lunch_", now she could be a proper full fledged loner. Her hand rested on the doorknob ready to open it "hey!" She turned to see Kakashi beckoning her to come over; the classroom was still half full Sakura raised an eyebrow and swallowed. This is exactly what she didn't want, she didn't want attention because that led to questions, questions she didn't want to answer.

His desk was messy with unorganised stacks of paper scattered across it. Sakura eyed it wearily and then looked at him; he was watching her with those grey eyes. "You're new," he stated, like she needed reminding. She waited to see if he'd continue but it appeared this was all he had to say, she just looked at him. He chuckled softly, "not talkative I see." She eyed him again before showing her teeth in an irritated smile "If there's a reason why you called me over-" he grinned at her "just thought I'd warn you, if you decide to skip class" her stomach sank "the car park isn't the best idea." She swallowed again; she'd been caught no way out of this one then. "Just a heads up" he supplied before he sat down on the edge of his desk, their eyes were now on par with each other. She smiled coolly "I'll keep that in mind. Now why don't you tell me why you haven't reported me?" She had little interest in his school politics or whatever he was up to, he smiled lazily it made her feel uneasy "now where would the fun in that be?" She opened her mouth the protest but Naruto bounded up to the desk reminding her oddly of a Labrador. "Kakashi! I don't really have to write an essay do I?" He whined it took all her will power not to cover her ears with her hands. Sasuke walked over slowly, his eyes met Sakura's briefly before turning to Kakashi and Naruto, Kakashi was still watching her "I'll see you tomorrow." He dismissed her lightly but his tone was weird, she was tempted to ask what he was playing at but kept her mouth shut. She didn't need these two strangers listening in on her conversation about her skipping class. "You sure will" she muttered as she turned away and walked out of the classroom.

xxx

_First person narrative._

Lunch was _uncomfortable_, I sat alone drawing a lot of unwanted attention, several weird and creepy guys had attempted to mooch up on me giving up I left the cafeteria. This was pointless, where would I eat lunch now? I had officially alienated myself; the sound of voices led me down a dimly lit hallway. I found a group of rather intimidating looking people who I didn't look twice at but they didn't return the favour. As I walked by a whistle rang after me, "well hey there pretty lady." I shivered at the sound of the voice, it sent my skin crawling. "Aw don't walk away, come back" a figure appeared in front of me, blocking my path. I looked up, way up, this guy was massive and his skin had an odd grey twinge to it. His teeth reminded me of a shark's, all thin and pointy, I felt a shiver building at the base of my spine. "Come back and play with us," "no thanks" my voice was firm. He raised a dark eyebrow "why don't you," his pause worried me "reconsider." A meaty hand reached for my arm but I dodged it, then I thought better of myself I was in a hallway what could he possibly do to me?

Grief was a dangerous thing, the second you realise you've nothing to live for is when you _need_ to worry. The eerie calm that settled over me should've worried me but it didn't, I no longer cared about what I should do. I just knew I was bored and alone, I was scared and in pain; there was nothing this guy could do to me that would hurt me more than I already hurt. As if seeing the change in me he grinned "reconsidering?" I looked up at him again and then down at my hands. Who was I? Why was I here? Where was I going? I no longer cared, I just wanted out; I wanted to get away from the pain carved into my whole person. I had no parents to tell me no, no friends to look out for me, nobody to tell me to think twice. I was all alone, this was freedom at its best and it sucked. I smiled up at him "what you got in mind?" He grinned at me and led me back down the hall, my body was on auto pilot as I followed him, I had never felt so empty I felt no fear no worry, nothing. I remembered the doctor warning Amaya about something like this, but it all felt so far away. _What if he rapes me? _I shocked myself when I realised in that moment I didn't care, I felt nothing, it was like the cold from outside had rooted itself in me numbing me from the inside out. The only thing that kept me moving was the pain; deep down in my core it pulsed on, it kept me moving down the hall.

We turned a corner and landed on a group of older students, who all looked up at the guy and then at me a few nodded. "She decided to join our little party," he supplied in his low gravely voice, I looked at them, all of them were taller than me and hard to make out in the dim hallway. This was obviously some old forgotten part of the school, some part of me must've been thankful that this guy hadn't hurt me in anyway but I barely felt it. "Wonderful" a voice drawled from below "I always love the company of a lady." I looked down to see a guy with deep red hair leaning against the wall puffing away on a cigarette; he looked like something from a movie. "Sit" he patted the space beside him, without a second thought I plonked myself on the ground next to him. "Smoke?" the cigarette was lined up with my lips and I was inhaling on it before I thought better of myself. The sensation was weird as the heat filled my lungs, I didn't choke like I'd heard people talking about on their first drag. He smiled at me and leaned in closer "that's sexy" he whispered his fingers curling around my wrist. I barely felt the contact, I inhaled again this time hungry for the heat, for the distraction. I felt careless like I was someone else, like I was finally able to escape who I used to be. The pain was still burning slowly inside of me but I could feel it loosening and growing smaller with each thoughtless action. He chuckled beside me wrapping an arm around my shoulders "greedy little thing aren't you?" his mouth was on mine before I could stop him. My hands went up to his chest ready to push him away when it hit me that I didn't want to, I didn't care that some stranger was kissing me. I didn't care about anything at that moment so I kissed back feeling absolutely nothing; no butterflies not light headedness, no attraction. All I wanted was a distraction from everything I'd been through. He smiled against my mouth pulling away "you are very sexy" he whispered. I smiled looking up properly for the first time to realise there was several of them in this cluster of guys. Most of them were smoking, they all looked about the same age and none of them were paying me and this guy any attention. I heard the sound of footsteps and by the extinguishing of their cigarettes obviously so did they, the footsteps grew louder as we all waited to be busted. A dark figure loomed at the end of the hallway and made its way towards us, the closer they got the less I could see from my position on the floor. The group stood in front of us but then several of them sighed and laughed. "Itachi!" a voice I didn't recognise exclaimed "you made me put out my smoke for nothing man!" I guessed they knew the guy who arrived; he was obviously part of the gang by the way they were behaving again. I could see the small flicker of a lighter as someone gave this Itachi a cigarette.

"Did you get it sorted?" the guy beside me asked uninterestedly, the group cleared to let the new arrival see the guy I was beside. I inhaled quietly, he was stunning. His cold eyes landed on the guy and then me, he eyed me weirdly like he wasn't surprised I was there but rather _annoyed_. I swallowed suddenly unsure of what I was doing, that feeling was short lived when a hand rested on my thigh. The guy beside me grinned cruelly up at this Itachi. "Well did you?" Itachi looked down at both of us, "that is none of your business Sasori." His voice was smooth and sensuous; it made me think of slow dances and long nights spent in a lover's arms. Sasori, the guy beside me, grinned again "Kisame found us a new friend" he rubbed his hand up and down the fabric of my jeans; Kisame must've been the tall guy from earlier. Itachi looked down at me as he exhaled a puff of smoke; he looked like an underwear model. His t-shirt clung to his lean frame, show casing a tight coil of muscles in his arms when he moved them.

"So I see" Itachi said eyeing me again, I felt exposed when his gaze roamed over me. But the numbness that had spread through me was still there and besides the fact that he was gorgeous I felt nothing looking at him. I was hungry for more sensations, I wanted danger and distractions. I grinned up at this Itachi person he raised an eyebrow at me "I'm Sakura" I said barely aware of Sasori's wandering hands. He nodded keeping my gaze for a moment longer than necessary before turning away, his hair was long I could see that now, it trailed down his back tied neatly in a rubber band. Sasori was already on his second cigarette and began puffing away; I leaned into him tracing patterns on the exposed skin at the neck of his shirt. He looked at me and grinned wickedly "I think I'm going to like you a lot" I smiled cruelly feeling nothing except the urge to distract myself. The more I indulged in recklessness the less pain I felt, it was a simple math equation that even I could do. His lips were hot and hungry on mine and I didn't care, I wanted more, always more. His fingers trailed lower until they found the hem of my shirt and crawled underneath it. Brushing exposed flesh and my navel ring. I bit his bottom lip hearing him groan into my mouth, pulling away I pulled the cigarette from his hand and inhaled slowly on it. His fingers trailed over my belly as I puffed slowly, I was watching the group before us; it was obvious that this Itachi was the brains of the group. They acted like he was in charge of them and I guess in a sense that made him a ring leader. "You're very naughty teasing me like that for a cigarette, missy" Sasori chuckled into my ear. I stood up slowly feeling his hand slip from my skin; I stubbed the cigarette on the wall leaving a dark smokey stain. I looked down at him "I'll pay you back" I threw the butt at him and he laughed shaking his head. "You're trouble" he called after me I turned around grinned at him.

I smiled up at the tall guy who led me here; he looked at me with a raised eyebrow "leaving so soon?" He asked his eye devious and dark, "if Sasori didn't give you what you want I'm sure one of us could." He motioned to the men surrounding him and I heard myself laugh. I felt weird, like I was on an adrenaline high even though it was probably the effects of the nicotine. "I have to get back to class" I said patting his arm lightly and grinning at the rest of them. Some blonde haired guy, with only one visible eye smirked at me "I like this one lets keep her." Kisame chuckled behind me and I titled me head feeling adventuress and nothing like myself "I like your hair" I muttered as I stepped forward slowly. That hunger gnawing at my gut again, egging me on. He grinned at me "thought you had to get back to class?" I smiled forgetting who I was "class can wait" I muttered before someone stepped into my field of vision. The smell of aftershave and smoke assaulted my nose, it smelled good though. "No it can't, go to class" I looked at Itachi with my eyebrows raised. He was intimidating and I didn't want to question his patience I could hear Sasori's protests alongside the blonde's behind Itachi, "Its one thing for us to be up here but her absence would probably be noticed." They all agreed then and I suddenly wondered why their absence wouldn't be noticed, as if sensing my question Itachi smirked briefly. "Go." It was all he said but still I went, smiling to myself as yells of goodbyes sent me off toward A12 "_English_".

xxx


End file.
